Mommy wars. It’s a popular topic to talk about on blogs, TV news shows, etc. right now.
For those that have somehow missed this whole new thing, mommy wars are over cloth vs. disposable diapers, breastfeeding vs. formula, co-sleeping vs. crib, homeschool vs, public school, and the list goes on. Basically, it is the debate over every different parenting choices.
For some, it is beyond a debate and is a full on brawl. People feel very strongly about the choices they make for their children and they want everyone to make the same choices. They feel it is the only way to parent.They start to get into bullying and name calling all because someone doesn’t parent the way they think is the only way. Which is why it is a hot topic right now. There is a big movement to stop the mommy wars and to respect the different choices that parents make.
I understand this completely. What decision I make for my family may not work for your family. Sure, some people are far too pushy about “educating” on the choices they make. But are we being too sensitive? Sometimes we just don’t understand why someone would make a choice different than the one we made so we question it.
For example, I love being a stay at home mom. I can’t imagine wanting to go back to work. Having to go back, sure, I get that. But wanting to? I truly do not understand this. That does not mean I judge other moms who choose to go back to work. I can respect their decision without having to understand it. I don’t need to get on the case about why (for me) staying at home is the better choice. It may not be the better choice…for them.
I think sometimes we question a choice and someone else gets offended thinking we are judging them when that isn’t always the case. I am often truly curious as to why someone may make a different choice than me. That doesn’t mean I’m judging or thinking I’m better than someone else or participating in the mommy wars. It means I can’t imagine making a choice different than the one I made so I want to know why that choice was made. I’m curious to the thought behind it.
All about respect
Maybe we need to stop pushing “accept all choices” and replace it with “respect all choices.” Instead of “stop the mommy wars” it need to be “respect the different choices and don’t be so sensitive when someone else has a different opinion than yours.” Honestly, that is good advice for all of life not just the mommy wars.
We need to remember this next time someone makes a different choice than we would. We need to remember that it is different but we need to not be offended by it. Next time someone starts being too “in your face” about something they feel strongly about but you disagree with, instead of getting angry, say, “I respect that that is the decision you have made and it works for you but it isn’t something I agree with” then just change the subject.